just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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