Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize