mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
