Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
