we made out on top of his cat.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
