Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
