Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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