Sry I called you an 8
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Randomize
