whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize