it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
