My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
