Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
