i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
