so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize