One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
how drunk are you?
Several
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
