Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
She announced her abortion via fbk
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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