ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
