I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
