around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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