After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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