My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
