My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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