There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
