I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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