I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
