Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
