lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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