At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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