I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
