Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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