Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
