your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
