my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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