piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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