Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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