Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I wear drunk well.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
