What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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