So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
