Having a random hookup so left but love u
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize