I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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