Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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