I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
