The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
