i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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