You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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