Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Green mimosas i think yes
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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