He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
