In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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