There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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