This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
honey bunches of taint.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
