I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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