I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
