did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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