so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
