just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
