White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
