dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
