You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
