I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
