I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
