I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
