I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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