No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
