I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
just tell him i said nine months
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize