I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
