Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
