frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
