There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
