just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
