Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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