I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
