those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I did not marry a roomba.
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