My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
