census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
