Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
