can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
