Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
