We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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