did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
