Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
