Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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