Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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