Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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