you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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