Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
