What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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