Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
