i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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