so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
