Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
im six kinds of drunk right now
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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