I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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