she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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