you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize