thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
