You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize