MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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