So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
