I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
