Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
handjob tips. give me some.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
